Marriage is Messy!

communication emotions intimacy love marraige experts marriage marriage advice messy relationships relationships experts sex staying in love Jul 09, 2021

It doesn’t take long after the honeymoon to realize that this thing called marriage is a bit of a MESS. In fact if left unattended, much like a garden, weeds will make everything a MESS!


We’re all a MESS Mentally


There’s no doubt men and women’s brains are wired differently.  Men talk about facts and activities and women talk about people and feelings.  What we need to do is understand how our brains are wired differently and begin to accept and appreciate how our spouse’s brain works.  


The action we must take is to  mentally MELD.  We must come together and intentionally care about what our spouse cares about. When we do this we will see our spouse in a new light and begin to understand why they care about the things they hold so dear.


We’re all a MESS Emotionally


Women feel all the time. In other words, they have a feeling about the clothes they wear, what’s going on with the kids and how they are getting along with both their spouse and their friends.  When men feel, they feel more deeply.  Need an example?  Go to a football game!


The action we must take is to emotionally EXERCISE.  It takes practice to realize that your wife can be hurt by the words you say because she attaches feelings to those words, even if you are simply giving her information.  Furthermore, it takes practice to realize that just because your husband is upset, doesn’t mean he’s upset at you.  It may have been a bad day at work or on the golf course. We have to emotionally exercise in order to understand our spouse.


We’re all a MESS Sexually


Most challenges in a couples sex life comes from differing sexual appetites.  Chances are one of you has a greater desire for sex than the other.  This can lead to misunderstanding, arguments and hurt feelings on both sides.  Sex isn’t about sex, it’s the glue that holds a relationship together!


The action we must take is to sexually SUBMIT.  Our challenges in sex come from unmet expectations.  One spouse expects sex more often and for the other, it’s simply not as important.  It’s still important, just not as much.  What we have to do is communicate expectations in ways that do not manipulate our spouse. Openly sharing expectations allows for a couple to compromise on what is fair to both parties.


We’re all a MESS Spiritually


“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. Many of us know this and even understand this as it pertains to our own shortcomings. However, do we REALLY understand it when it comes to our spouse?  Neither one of you married “Jesus Jr.” You married a fallen human being who will fail you from time to time.  Remember, failure isn’t final.  Bening married offers us the opportunity to extend Grace to our spouse!  God extended Grace to you through His son Jesus, and now we have the opportunity to model that Grace as it pertains to our spouse.


The action we must take is to Spiritually SURRENDER.  The only way you will become the person your spouse needs you to be is to Spiritually surrender to God.  The more you place your faith and trust in Him the more you will become like Christ.  The more you become like Christ, the more you will be exactly what your spouse needs you to be to grow the marriage.


So take your MESS and turn it into a BLESSING by taking the actions listed here and watch your marriage blossom into a beautiful union.


To dig deeper, check out our Master Class, Making the Most of a Messy Marriage

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